What couples therapy can help with

When your relationship feels stuck, it can be difficult to know how to move forward.

You may find yourselves having the same arguments over and over again, struggling to communicate without one of you becoming defensive, shutting down or feeling unheard.

Perhaps you're struggling with boundaries, intimacy, trust, family expectations or the impact of experiences from your own childhoods on your relationship today.

Sometimes you can love each other deeply and still find yourselves caught in patterns that are difficult to break.

Couples therapy offers you both a space to slow things down, understand what is happening between you and begin to relate to each other differently.

How we’ll work together

I won't focus on who is “right or wrong”, or take sides - my relationship with with your relationship.

We'll explore the patterns that have developed between you and what might be underneath them.

We'll look at how your experiences growing up, previous relationships and what you witnessed love and relationships to look like may be influencing the way you relate to each other now.

You may begin to understand why certain situations trigger such strong reactions, why one of you withdraws while the other overworks or becomes anxious, and why the same argument keeps happening in a different form.

I will help you understand each other more deeply and your pasts, whilst creating a relationship where you both feel heard, respected and able to express yourselves.

What can we work on?

Couples come to therapy for many different reasons, and in my experience, they come either to work through an issue, to make a decision together, or to end the relationship as constructively and amicably as possible. This normalises different possible outcomes, takes the pressure off of you and allows me to facilitate whatever journey you’re on.

You might want support with communication and recurring arguments, understanding why conversations escalate and finding different ways of communicating with each other.

You might be struggling with boundaries, learning how to communicate your needs and respect each other's boundaries without resentment or guilt.

Family and cultural expectations can also have a significant impact on a relationship. We can explore the influence of parents, family dynamics, culture and different expectations of relationships.

There might be difficulties around trust, intimacy or emotional connection, or feelings that you've become more like housemates than partners.

We can also explore how your childhood experiences and the relationships you witnessed growing up may be influencing your relationship today.

How will couples therapy work?

The first couple of sessions

Our first session couples of sessions give us the opportunity to understand what has brought you to therapy and what you both hope will change. I will take relationship and childhood histories, as well as clarifying what you would like to work on in your relationship.

I'll hear from each of you about your experience of the relationship, the difficulties you're experiencing and what you'd like us to work on together.

We'll also begin to explore some of the patterns between you and how these may have developed.

As we continue

We'll slow down some of the interactions that happen between you so we can understand what's really going on underneath them.

Rather than simply trying to stop an argument, we might explore what happens emotionally for each of you when that argument begins.

Over time, this can help you move away from blaming each other and towards understanding the pattern you're both caught in.

Reviewing our work

I recommend beginning with a minimum of six couples therapy sessions. At the sixth session, we'll review the work we've done together and consider whether further sessions would be helpful.

Therapy isn't about changing who either of you are. It's about understanding yourselves, each other and the relationship you have created together, so that you can make meaningful change.